Friday, December 17, 2010

New Moves for Lady Amanda

Well, everyone I been quite busy over the last couple of weeks. Mostly with Christmas things, you know buying presents, sending out Christmas cards, and I even went to a Advent Penance service to clear my slate. Well, Christ came to make the world anew! My world is defiantly coming around to being anew. On January 3rd my Mom is getting back surgery and the next day, January 4th, I am moving into my own apartment. It won’t be totally my own because I will share it with a roommate. Her name is Karen and I remember her as being a quite, docile, and kind person when I was with her in Friendship House. Friendship House is a day treatment facility for the mentally ill. So I guess another thing I know about her is that she takes care of her illness!

I wrote before about how I am worried about so many things involving my apartment. However, I realized in Stress Management Group, my life will be a whole lot worse if I remain where I am. I can face the challenges of living on my own because it is healthy and gives me stability to do so. Another thing, is this guy I totally have a crush on in Stress Management Group (not the one I wrote about before, boy I am using that group to pick up guys), while he said I am taking a huge step. I didn’t realize it was a huge step. I guess I just thought it was normal for a thirty year old to move out on her own, no problem. However, it opened my eyes to realize it doesn’t matter how old you are, to go from the safe and predictable environment of my parents’ home out into the real world is scary. It is defiantly something that takes adjusting. It will take a while and you will all come on the journey because you know I am going to write about it!

It seems everything is set up. My apartment, my roommate, my Uncle helping me move, and even the telephone service is being set up. One problem, I don’t have is my day program set up! What I would like to do is volunteer at the hospital that is a fifteen minute walk from my apartment. I put in the application ten days ago and called the volunteer director twice to check up on it. The director seemed very nice and seemed to think she would call me for an interview as soon as her co – worker looked over the application. However, I am scared. The days to when I move in are not that long and I don’t want to be sitting all day in my apartment with nothing to do. Why does it frighten me so much? Do I really think they will find something in my application that they won’t give me the position because of? I think it frightens me so much because they are taking so long. I am not a very patient person. I ask God to give me patience, but sometime people say to be careful for what you pray for. Sometimes God gives more patience by giving one trials in which one needs to be patience in! My parents said why wouldn’t the hospital take me and I just read an e – mail from my friend Amber (who also has blog on this site) who said basically the same thing. It made me realize maybe it takes so long because maybe they are deciding where to place me and set everything up. I just have to be PATIENT. And my Deacon friend couple back in Chicago said in an e – mail, “God will bless me with it, if it is what is right for me.” So I am thinking if God doesn’t allow it then he’s got something better!

I have to focus now on packing for my new apartment. So while I wait patiently for an answer from the Hospital, I can concentrate on getting my stuff together. Also I need to do some shopping because there are more necessary things that I need for my apartment. God is so good; he had my Uncles give me awesome gift cards for me to stock up on things for the apartment. God always takes care of me and I have to remember that. He has a bigger plan. And speaking of that, I have to remember His birth. I can’t forget to get caught up in the Holiness of Christmas. Well, please all send good thoughts and prayers during this anew period of my life.

Friday, December 3, 2010

A Christmas present

This is a poem, I written for my therapist for her Christmas present. I wanted to share it with all of you!

Have you ever had someone
You could tell all your secrets to?
By Amanda Robin

Have you ever had someone
You could tell all your secrets to?
I haven’t always,
Which seems deathly
Considering the fact
That I have been
In therapy
Longer than one
Wishes to think about.

Have you ever had someone
You could tell all your secrets to?
Four years ago
Which flew by like leaves
Blowing in the wind,
Coming straight out
Of a safe secure hole
Of a day treatment facility,
I meet the most wonderful
Therapist I think
I will ever met.

Have you ever had someone
You could tell all your secrets to?
This therapist taught me
A lot in those four years.
She taught me to trust
Woman again.
She taught me to trust
Myself again.
And she taught me
How to trust God.

Have you every had someone
You could tell all your secrets to?
I have!
And I will treasure
Her longer than
She will grace this
Green, wonderful, exciting world
She taught me to enjoy!