Friday, February 25, 2011

Ask and it shall be given on to you!

Jesus always said, “Ask and it shall be given unto you.” I never fully understood this. I would just pray to Jesus and say this, this, and this is what I want. Looking back now this seems really stupid! I mean God is God, you don’t demand things. Of course Peter says, “When I was a child, I thought as a child.” So Jesus answered anyway. However, I read this wonderful commentary by Father Rohr. If you wish to receive his daily commentaries in your e – mail box, let me know and I will post his website.

Anyway, Father Rohr said you have to ASK Jesus. He used the example of St. Francis of Assisi (which by way I took his name for my confirmation) that he would go out and pray, “God who I am?” and “God who are you?” That set off a light bulb in my head! Ever since my Mom told me that she prayed for a guy to truly love her and then three years later married my Dad, I prayed with a laundry list of things I wanted in my perfect partner! I think it grew each year. How stupid. God doesn’t need to be told who my perfect mate would be! He is the Alpha and Omega, He doesn’t need me to tell Him what I need in a guy. So I changed my prayer to “God tell me who the perfect guy for me will be and bring him into my life when you feel is right. Guide me Jesus in this journey.”

It’s weird because I have been having dreams for a like a week now almost every night about having a boyfriend. The way the guy looks is not really important in the dream and I know it’s not important to me. My first love, Trevor, taught me that. Even when I was in love with Trevor, I will admit he wasn’t the best looking, but he was the best boyfriend I have ever had so far. Anyway, I am going off on tangent. I dream of qualities that I would like in a guy. I don’t necessarily believe that dreams are messages from God. I however, think He uses our subconscious to speak to us because our subconscious is our soul and our soul is the temple of the Holy Spirit. So this is what I came with so far God doesn’t want me to settle. Which is probably a good thing for a thirty – one year old virgin, don’t want to waste it on someone who isn’t going to appreciate it. Also I think God wants me to find someone funny, sweet, understanding, caring, a good listener, and protective. It’s just fun having the dreams.

You know what my roommate says? She says everyone has someone out there for them; it’s just a matter of when you find them! I think that is so profound. I don’t know if there is someone out there for me honestly, but I have learned I am not going to demand my God anymore. My ultimate love will always be my God and I wouldn’t want to ruin that. I don’t know what Heaven like, but I have caught glimpse of it here on earth. And to me, if Heaven is only a fraction of those glimpses I would be happy.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A birthday poem

Hello my avid reader. Next Sunday is my roommate's birthday and I wrote her this poem. Tell me what you think!

My roommate
By Amanda Robin

My roommate showed just how big
Her heart is when I first
Moved in.
She gave me the bigger
Of the two bedrooms
And the deeper dresser.

My roommate showed just how caring
In her soul she is
When she worried
All night
Because I didn’t tell
Her that I was not coming home
Until eleven – thirty at night.

My roommate showed just how friendly
Her personality is
When she made me feel
Welcome talking with her guest
In our cozy living room.

My roommate showed just how forgiving
Her spirit is
When she didn’t mind if
I drank her milk or ruined
Her pretty towel.

My roommate showed just how special
she has become
because she is now

My friend.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I hope I am not just ranting

Well, I know I haven’t updated my blog recently. A lot of good things happened in my life. Karen and I are becoming good friends, must of the time we watch “Two and Half Men” together and then talk. I had a little difficulty with getting clearance from Health Service of the Hospital that I am going to volunteer with. Nothing about my mental illness, I was honest with everyone at the Hospital that I have a mental illness and that I am very stable. It had to do with my MMR vaccine. That’s all straightened now and I am going to Orientation for my volunteer position this Monday. And I am just connecting with a lot of people.

Anyway, something happened today. I want to share it all with you. I hope this doesn’t come out as a rant. If I babble on you don’t have to read it. My best friend picked me up today to go to her house and have pizza and watch her DVD collection of the “O.C.” It was snowing, but wasn’t too bad. Chrissy was still a little scared so she asked if my parents could pick me up from her house and take me to my apartment when it was time for me to go. Well, my Mom was a little upset, but she said my Dad would do it. Then my Mom called and she told me the weather was really bad and I should call my apartment program and tell them I am sleeping over at Chrissy. Well, first off it isn’t past my thirty days when I am allowed to have someone sleep over my house or me to sleep somewhere other than my apartment. Second, I am supposed to tell my primary apartment counselor two – four hours in advanced if I am going to sleep over somewhere. Third, my Dad didn’t think it was that bad outside. And Fourth, I didn’t feel it was that bad outside. I am sure if it really was that bad outside my apartment program would let me sleep over at my friend Chrissy house and I would have no problem asking them.

So anyway, my Dad said that he would pick me up. After he left, my Mom called Chrissy's house and was yelling and screaming at me. She said how I do expect a sixty year old man to drive in this weather. My Mom told me that if anything happened to my Dad it was all on me. Then she brought up an incident that happened when I was a freshman in college home on break and was starting to get sick. It's like nothing is ever forgiven with my Mom. My Mom rattled me up so much and I didn’t want to upset Chrissy so I just listened until she hung up.

When I was in the car with my Dad, I lost it. I was just crying and crying. My Dad was so nice. He kept reassuring me that it was alright. That the roads weren’t that bad and that my Dad is responsible for himself. My Dad told me that if he got out on the road and thought it wasn’t safe, he would have called me and told me that he couldn’t pick me up.

I just feel like everyone in the whole world knows that I am a good and decent person except my Mom. When she yells at me like that I feel like I am this evil person that only thinks of herself. I mean it is true that I didn’t want to sleep over at Chrissy and I didn’t want to face the apartment program’s question about why I wanted to sleep over. However, honestly if I thought something terrible would happen to my Dad, I would have slept over at Chrissy. I just feel so low right now!