One little thing makes all the difference in the world!

It’s really funny how life works, but one little thing makes all the difference in the world. This past Friday I got paid so I went and got my hair cut (holla’ at you Charlie;) Anyway, I got my haircut and I was sitting in the chair with my long light brownish - blondish hair thinking to myself, “What could I do to change my look.” I didn’t want to cut it more than the typical dead ends because every time I do I got to bed that night crying because I miss my over the shoulder length hair. It just blurted of me to my hair dresser, “What about bangs?” I haven’t had bangs since I was in high school and my ten year reunion was two years ago this summer. My hair dresser said that it would look nice to have something on my face. Well, I had an appointment with my therapist the same day and she all like “Your hair looks beautiful!” And I went to Saturday evening mass yesterday and got some compliments on my hair. All I did was get bangs. Now it is true that when I get the dead ends cut off the rest of my hair, my layers become more pronounced and my hair is softer because it’s healthier. However, I get this done every two months and I don’t get quite the response I got this time with the addition of the bangs!

Now life is sort of like that. About two or more years ago I decided to apply for housing so I could move out of my parents home for yet the third time in my life! It’s nearing the time when my apartment will be ready and let me tell you as a thirty year old living with dysfunctional parents it can’t come fast enough. Well, I would say in the past eight months it’s been very difficult. I wrote you all about the bankruptcy piece, but there is other little things that annoy me and are in fact things that are unhealthy for my emotional well being that my parents do. I have had friends before and I have hung around them. It true when I get very sick, I isolate. However, for longer than the last eight months I have been doing stuff with my friends like my mommy to be friend, Amber who is responsible for helping me get on blogspot. However, I haven’t really had a best friend since the woman who raped me. I wrote a whole blog on that maybe a month ago. Well, I am happy to report I am slowly becoming best friends with my friend Chrissy. We talk on the phone at least every other day. We tried to spend at least one day a week doing something fun together. And then there is the most important piece, I am actually confiding in her! It will take some time, but I think she will probably be the only one who knows all my secrets that are worth telling outside of individual therapy! It’s like one little thing, having a best friend to call up and drive over to her house when my parents are getting on my nerves, has made all the difference in the world. Also May is Mental Health Month and every year I go to the Citizen Committee dinner. However, Chrissy also convinced me to go to one of my old psychiatrist’s retirement dinners. So there will be a night when I just get dressed up and go with my best gal pal to a fancy dinner. And this one little change, having a best friend, has made all the difference in the world with waiting on my apartment.

My Spiritual life is like that too! I can remember growing up believing in God, but not really understanding or having a personal relationship. Then when I got into college I just knew God was there, but I didn’t have much interaction with him. Sometimes a bed time prayer, but that was about it. Then I got diagnosed with my mental illness. I was actually court ordered to a mental health unit in the state of Indiana, five hours away from my family. And you know what? I had no one else to turn too. My mind was playing tricks on me. For example, I almost blow up the organic chem. Lab. I felt my friends really didn’t understand. I mean really? How can nineteen and twenty year olds relate to something as big as a major mental illness? I mean I was going through it myself and I couldn’t understand it so how could I expect my friends too? And the doctors and nurses on the mental health unit, I didn’t really know, so how could I trust them? When someone tells you that hearing voices is normal for your illness, how can you wrap your mind around the fact that they are telling the truth? So there I was in the common area of the unit and tears just started streaming down my face! I called of the name of Jesus and ever since then my life has been different. Just one little difference, believing that Jesus the Nazarene died for my sins, has made my whole life different. Never after that point have I made an elaborate plan to meet my own demise. I am not going to lie, just like anyone with a major mental illness, there are times when I seriously thing about it. However before I can get to the point where I think, “O.k. I am going to do this, this, and this, and I will meet my end,” I go to the ER and talk to the crisis nurse. Having a personal relationship with Jesus, that one little thing, also makes my life brighter. When I face a decision, I can go and talk to my creator and see what His will is. I don’t have to take on big things alone.

So, I have found that sometimes it not major milestones that make our lives better. It the simple little things like getting bangs, a best friend, or calling to my redeemer, that makes life living more bearable! You don’t have to climb Mt. Saint Helen or circumnavigate the globe, just make a little change in your life and world just might seem a little brighter!